.heatheranne. (babiexoxogrl) wrote,

Another season comes and goes.....

It's funny how the end of a season makes you think and reflect on life. Summer 2013 is coming to an end, and although it was a nice summer, it went far too quickly for my own liking. Just want to briefly talk about some of the things going on as of recently and take a minute to think about where I am at this point in my life.

In reference to my previous post, I am no longer dating that guy Matt that I had spoken about. Yes, he was great and had so many wonderful qualities, things that I would have been proud to have in for a partner. Unfortunately, he did not see the same in me. It was really the first time that I had ever been "dumped" by someone. Definitely kind of hurt and was a blow to the ego, but alas, I dusted myself off and tried again....

Enter James.....back in March, my friend Peter told me that he knew of a great guy who I would be interested in getting to know. To make a long story short, he ended up setting me up with his co-worker, James, who turns out to be a really great guy. James and I have sort of been "seeing" each other for the past 5 months. The progression of our relationship has been a little on the slow end for me. I am used to things moving much quicker, but due to unfortunate circumstances with stuff going on in his family, and work schedules, we haven't really been able to see each other as often as I would like. Just the other day, we spoke about making our relationship official, which is exactly what I wanted from the start with him. The only problem is that now I am seeing that perhaps he is not as attentive as I would want him to be with me. For some reason, I have been craving this attention lately. James is not as much of an outgoing guy, which is fine, but I just want things to continue to progress with our relationship. I don't want him to get bored of me and I don't want to get bored of him. I guess I am just scared that he's going to realize that he has so many other different things going on in his life at the moment and that I am not much of a priority. I am just always cautious and worried that things are not going to work out in the long run. I know I need to have some more faith in myself and in my relationships with people, but I always have this fear in the back of my mind.

Maybe that's because I have also met someone else who seems too good to be true. I met this guy Bryan from an online dating website who seems to be my ideal perfect guy. I don't want to get too ahead of myself because we just started speaking to each other recently, but I am very curious to see where things could go with him. I guess he is the reason why I have been questioning my feelings for James recently. Don't get me wrong, I do really like James and enjoy being around him, but there is something about Bryan that is just so intriguing that I can't help but want to know more. He makes me feel special, and I haven't felt that way in a long time (I know I am going to look back at this post in a few months and just totally regret saying that, but for now, this is how I feel...)

I guess I am just sad that the fact that I see almost all of my friends moving on with their lives and I am still stuck hanging out with my parents on saturday nights. Stefanie and Bob are expecting their first child in December, Jacquie and Mark are expecting their first child in November, and just today, Leonora got engaged to her boyfriend Steve. Three of my best friends moving on with their lives, who all have the things that I also want eventually in life. I am happy for them but can't help but feel a little jealous all at the same time. I hope that one day I too can look down at my left hand and see a shiny ring on my finger, knowing that it came from a man that loves me in return. I hope that one day I can have a little one to call me "mom". I think I would be a great mom someday....

Well, enough rambling about my pathetic existence for now. Back to school for me next week. Starting my 6th year as a teacher and even though I love my job, I am not looking forward to going back into the chaos that is PS 24. All good things must come to an end I guess....

Bye August, Bye summer. Catch you next year <3
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