.heatheranne. (babiexoxogrl) wrote,
.heatheranne.
babiexoxogrl

I need to vent

It is the eve of my 28th birthday, and I have never been more frustrated and confused with things before in my life. I feel as if everything is falling apart and I don't even know where to begin. I need to think things out and vent so I can get my head on straight once again....

Reading over my last entry from December, I mentioned that there was a strain on my relationship with my boyfriend. It seems as if things have just gotten worse. I have seen many red flags in our relationship that I haven't been happy about, but in the past, I have just ignored them. That probably was not the smartest thing to do. I just thought that things would get better on their own. This past week, it all exploded in my face. It all started at my great Aunt Ronnie's funeral this past weekend (RIP Aunt Ronnie, I will always remember your Irish dancing). The one thing that bothered me the most was that he was sitting on his phone and texting the entire time. He wasn't even putting in much of an effort to talk to people, just texting. I wanted to take his phone and throw it out the window. It made me so angry. When I asked him to put it away, he got all snippy with me, as if I did something wrong. Later on, my mother asked me what his deal was. He was even very sarcastic and rude to her later on. I didn't appreciate that at all. I know that I would never act like that with his family. He thought he was just being funny the whole time, but it wasn't the least bit. So that whole ordeal got me upset.

It wasn't just that one incident. Things have been building over time that I have not like. At times, he can be very immature. It makes me worry about a future together. It makes me wonder if he is the right one for me. I hate to question these things, but i would rather question it now than later on down the road in life.

This past month, I was also diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, a condition that could break down my joints. I am devestated over this news. 28 years old and I have arthritis. My hands are even hurting as I am typing this. I feel like I am falling apart

My whole life is falling apart. And now I have to decide whether or not I am going to continue my relationship, while everyone else around me is getting married and starting their lives.

I've never felt so alone before...
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